ZOMBIE FANGIRLS & OTHER CREEPY THINGS
by Little Orange Frog
Summary: if you have read my other stories you probably know that if you had to describe me in one word it would be random. It is much the same for this story. What if fangirls were plotting to take over? read and find out!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All I have is an outdated computer and the right to show no mercy towards fictional characters. –looks around evilly-**_

**BPOV**

"**EMMETT: **Do you still love me?

**EDWARD: **you are so idiotic.

**EMMETT: **what does idiotic mean?

**ALICE: **LOL. You can't even understand the insults that are used against you!

**JASPER: **LOL

**ROSALIE: **LOL

**BELLA: **hey you guys? How come we are chatting with each other on the computers at the public library when we are all

within 10 paces of each other?

**EMMETT: **because its kool!

**BELLA: **isn't "cool" spelled with a "C"?

**JASPER: **that's what she said!

**ALICE: **LOL.

**EDWARD: **:)

**ROSALIE: **DO NOT START WITH THOSE STUPID "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID" JOKES!

**JASPER: **why?

**ROSALIE: **because they are lame and I refuse to be seen with lame people.

**JASPER: **why?

**ROSALIE: **because it will taint my reputation.

**JASPER: **why?

**ROSALIE: -**growl-

**EDWARD: **LOL.

**EMMETT:** LOL.

**ALICE: **LOL.

**BELLA: **has it occurred to anyone that you're only supposed to type "LOL" when you are laughing out loud? We are in a library. We can't laugh out loud.

**EMMETT: **LOL.

**JASPER: **LOL.

**ALICE: **LOL.

**ROSALIE: **LOL.

**EDWARD: **:)

**EMMETT: **what exactly does "LOL" mean?

"Do you seriously not know what LOL means, Emmett?" Edward said frostily. The librarian turned around abruptly to glare

in our direction.

"Why don't you tell me what it means Eddie!" Emmett replied.

"I don't want to! And don't call me Eddie!" Edward hissed.

"You don't want to tell me because you don't know! Ha ha ha ha!" Emmett crowed, laughing. The librarian turned towards

our group again, her eyes spiteful.

"Look it up in a dictionary Emmett" Edward said haughtily.

"OH MY GOSH!" somebody screamed. "I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! YOU'RE THE CULLENS! OH MY GOSH! LOOK TONI, IT'S THE

CULLENS!" a tall blonde girl was standing by the checkout counter.

"I TOLD YOU THEY WERE REAL! AFTER ALL THE TEASING I ENDURED! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!" the

brunette yelled, her eye twitching slightly.

"What are you guys talking about? Toni? Meg? What is wrong with you guys?" the third, more sensible girl asked. Now they  
were pointing stupidly and a strange gleam had filled their eyes.

"Is Jacob with you?" the blonde one asked.

"No," Edward said. "And we were just leaving." He motioned for us to stand. Our grouped started backing towards the

door as they advanced. The third girl had fallen into the same tranceful stupor and all three were tripping over themselves

now. The twitchy one had pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

"Can we have your number?" they asked in unison. It reminded me of those old black and white zombie movies.

"Actually, our phones broke," Jasper's voice broke on the last word and he choked back a round of hysteria.

"Pansy" Emmett murmured under his breath.

"Hey! I've got an idea! They were chatting on those computers right? So we can trace their email addresses and then hack

into the security system of their email providers. Then we can get all their contact info!" The brunette cried. Jasper's eyes

started darting around the room. The thin girl with black hair's eyes lit up and she lunged towards the computer, her

fingers typing away viciously at the keyboard. The blonde threw her head back and laughed like a lunatic while the twitchy

one's eyes got twitchier.

"I told you Bella's a conspiracy, Meg," the twitchy one cried victoriously. "A conspiracy! Didn't I tell you that Alwyn? i know

that I told you that!" I shook my head and tightened my grip on Edward's hand.

"Get me outta here NOW!" I hissed. This was overly creepy and escape looked scarce."

"_And that's why I was late to dinner Dad." I said smiling half heartedly. _

"_So you're telling me that you were late because fan girls tried to steal your boyfriend and your boyfriend's family?" Charlie asked_

skeptically, his eyebrows scrunching together.

"_Yes, that is exactly what I'm telling you."_

**So, i wrote this on the spur of the moment. Me and my friends are obssessed with Twilight, so if we ever did meet the**

Cullens, that is probably the reaction you would get. I am the brunnett, in case you were wondering. Hope you liked it.  
Maybe I'll write more, maybe not. We have to "restore" opur computer, so I have to save all my documents to a disc

now. Push the little purple button and you;ll be my friend for a long time. 

**;)**

**Also, I have this really kool idea for a story so if you want your name included, put it in the review. **

**BYE BYE!**


	2. The Perfect Plan

**Disclaimer: I own nothing besides the right to show no mercy towards fictional characters. –grins evilly-**

_The phone rings…_

**MEG: **Hello?

**TONI: **Hey! What's up? I am so bored.

**MEG: **Me too. You know I was thinking- hold up I got another call.

**ALWYN: **Hey!

**MEG: **Hey!

**TONI: **Hey!

**ALWYN: **I'm so bored. Do ya'll want to go back to the library today?

**TONI: **I have a better idea. Let's go to the Cullen's house. Didn't you get all their contact info off those computers

yesterday Alwyn?

**ALWYN: **yes. OMG! We should totally go visit them!

**MEG:** okay. Do you think Jacob will be with them?

**TONI: **Doubtful. He's a werewolf and they are vampires. He doesn't belong in their world.

OH MY GOSH! I sound like my mother!

**MEG: ** Its okay! Breath!

**ALWYN: **When did your mom ever say that?

**TONI:** when I told her I have a fictional boyfriend, and that Bella is a conspiracy.

**MEG: **Now that you mention it, my mom said the same thing.

**ALWYN: **You guys have fictional boyfriends? I'm glad I'm not the only one.

**TONI: **Oh, I forgot to tell you guys that I got us all matching T-shirts. I'll meet you at the bus stop in half an hour. Meg,

you bring the coca-cola, Alwyn you bring the french-fries. I'll bring the shirts, the duck tape, and a light bulb.

**ALWYN: **Just out of curiosity, why do we need a light bulb?

**TONI:** I'm not really sure.

**ALWYN: **Okay, bye!

**TONI: **Bye!

**MEG: **Bye!

_The phones are hung up and they begin to search madly for shirts, coca-cola, french-fries and a light bulb…_

_The bus stop on the other side of town is crowded and the three girls chatter ceaselessly about nothing while they_

_eat their snack, wearing matching T-shirts._

**TONI: **So I was thinking.

**ALWYN:** Uh-oh.

**TONI:** What are we gonna say once we get there?

**MEG: **Well, we could buy some fireworks and blow up Emmett's jeep. Then when the werewolves come to see what

happened we could convince Jake to come to the dark side with cookies, and-

**TONI:** We are not kidnapping any werewolves Meg.

**ALWYN:** Are you sure that these shirts aren't a little too weird?

**TONI:** Why would you say that?

**ALWYN:** They say "the potatoes have eyes".

**TONI: **So? It's true.

**MEG: **These french-fries are good.

**ALWYN: **Pass the coca-cola, please.

**TONI:** You know what I just realized? We're eating french-fries, and we have on shirts that say "the potatoes have eyes". These french-fries don't have eyes.

**MEG: **So we're eating blind potatoes?

**ALWYN: **That's a funny thought. Blind potatoes!

_A by-passer stares at them oddly for several seconds before continuing on her way, shaking her head in disapproval. _

**TONI:** Hey, look! Our bus is here! Yay!

**ALWYN & MEG:** The "yay" was too much.

**TONI:** Maybe you're right. Maybe I should have said "yippee" instead…

**ALWYN & MEG: **NO!

**TONI: **Fine! Gosh, you guys are so touchy.

**ALWYN: **Shouldn't we go get on the bus now?

**MEG: **Yes we should. Let's go!

**TONI: **Can I bring my french-fries?

**ALWYN & MEG: **Hurry up!

**TONI: **Don't rush me! And don't roll your eyes either. Honestly, you guys are really touchy today…

**MEG: **The bus is about to LEAVE!

**TONI: **Fine!

_They board the bus, and run down the aisle, hurrying to get to the back of the bus. Once they are seated, they start bouncing up_

and down on the seat. The driver glares, but when he looks away Meg imitates his glare. Toni and Alwyn burst out laughing, which

earns them another scowl from the driver. 

_Eventually, they get to Forks._

**TONI: **We're here! Yay! Yay! Yay!

**MEG: **Toni, your eye is doing that weird twitching thing.

**ALWYN: **_-giggles insanely-_

**MEG: **Do you think we'll be able to visit La Push while we're here?

**TONI: **No, we are going to the Cullen's house, and then we are going by the realastate agency's office.

**ALWYN: **Why are we going by the realastate agency's office?

**TONI: **So that we can see if there is any property for sale here in forks.

**MEG: **Why would we care if there is property for sale in Forks?

**TONI: **Hello? So we can move here. You guys can dye your hair brown, and we can all buy old red pickup trucks. Then we can

get a surgeon to alter our brains and we can all take a class on how to be a danger magnet. We can enroll in high school

here, become friends with Jacob Black, and then jump in front of a bus. When we jump in front of a bus, Edward will have no

choice but to save us. He'll take us to meet his family, and that's when we do the swap. I'm a brunette, so I can pass as Bella.

Alwyn, your hair is black, so you could pass as Alice. Meg, your hair is blond, and if you act all snobby and pretend you don't

like me, you can pass as Rosalie. So, we get into their house and lure all three girls up stairs. We superglue their hands

together and threaten to throw them to the other fan girls if they don't cooperate, because the other fan girls want to rip

them to pieces. We make the switch and then the guys will be forced to change us into vampires. Then we give their

girlfriends back and move to Alaska where we hunt penguins all day. Stop staring at me like that, it's disconcerting.

**ALWYN: **How long did it take you to come up with that plan?

**TONI: **I perfected on the way over here.

**MEG: **How long?

**TONI: **Don't look at me like that! It has taken me about six weeks to get the kinks worked out, and the finer details polished

off. We'll tell our parents that we are attending a special academy in Alaska for students with special talents. Meg can sing,

Alwyn can draw, and I am a young author. We can get the tuition from the Cullen's as part of the ransom for Alice, Bella, and

Rose. Then, we call Mrs. Stephanie Meyer and get her to recommend us to the school in return for her car back. Since Jasper is

a pyromaniac, he can threaten to blow up her car. That way we won't get in trouble. Once we're excepted to the AA (Alaska

Academy) we can visit the other Cullen's when ever we want, because Edward and Bella will be our next door neighbor. And

on top of that, while we are at the AA, we can begin our plot to take down Jacob, because I don't like him. He was a jerk to

Bella in Eclipse.

**MEG: **You can not take down Jacob! He is so awesome!

**TONI: **I can, and I will! -grins wickedly-

**ALWYN: **Should I be more concerned that you are plotting against Mrs. Meyer and a coven of vampires or that you guys are

fighting about revenge on a werewolf?

**TONI: **Be concerned about whatever you want, but if you're not with us, you're against us!

**MEG: **What "we"?

**TONI: -**exasperatingly sighs-

**ALWYN: **I'm with you.

**MEG: **Fine, I'm with ya'll too.

**TONI: **Good. So let's go!

_They proceed to catch a cab and visit the Cullen's. __**To be continued…**_

**So, this is a pretty random chapter. The saying "The Potatoes Have Eyes" is like my favorite saying ever. Ha! I have**

perfected the plan to become a vampire, and with the help of my friends, I can and will manipulate the world and all that

live with in its walls!

**What? The world doesn't have walls? Oh, well you get the point! MMMMWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!**

**Me and my faithful cat Milo will take over, one vampire coven at a time! ….**

**So….Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. It was very fun to write it. You must review though! Please? For me? **

**Half of you that read this story will probably not read the bold print. Of the half of you that do read the bold print, only**

about ¼ you will probably review. So, lets not be stereotype! Let's change the statistics in our favor! Let all who read

this bold print review so that you may show the world that my stories really mean something! Okay, so, I'm gonna stop

now. Please push the little purple button if you want to show the world that you care!

**Bye!**


	3. I See the Light!

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, except the right to manipulate fictional characters. –smiles wickedly-**

_The girls catch a cab to the Cullen's house and start the long trek up their driveway. _

**ALWYN: **Are you sure this is worth it? I mean, look at this path. It's not even a driveway!

**MEG: **Of course it's worth it! We are talking about VAMPIRES here!

**TONI: **This reminds me of that time in fourth grade when we all jumped off the top of the swing set hoping our teeth would

fall out so we could get a dollar from the tooth fairy. You guys had almost the exact conversation.

**ALWYN: **I remember that! Because you guys told me that a dollar was a great deal for a tooth.

**MEG: **Yep, and then we all got sent home early because our faces swelled up.

**TONI:** And we got to skip the next day of school 'cause we were all at the orthodontist.

**ALWYN: **And all we could eat for a week was milkshakes and smoothies.

**MEG: **Yep.

**TONI: **Ouch! I just stepped on a sharp rock.

**ALWYN:** That reminds me of that time in sixth grade when Meg stepped on a rusty nail on our way to the bus, and she had

to get a tetanus shot.

**MEG: **Yeah, I was so scared my mom practically had to tie me up in the car with the seat-belts.

**TONI: **And before you let her do that you hobbled all the way to my house to borrow my phone so you could call the doctors

office and try to cancel your appointment with out the call being traced.

**ALWYN: **And then you pulled her in the wagon all the way to my house so she could hide in my basement because you

couldn't get them to cancel the appointment.

**MEG: ** Then mom figured out where I was and dragged me off to be punctured with needles.

**TONI: **And we pooled our allowances to buy you a big teddy bear and sat in the waiting room for a long time.

**ALWYN: **It seemed like forever.

**MEG: **And mom got mad when I asked to see the nurse's license when she tried to give me a shot.

**TONI: **How about the time in second grade when we all got wrote up and sent to the principle's office.

**ALWYN: ** 'Cause Ricky and his idiot friends were throwing rocks at us.

**TONI: **And before we could tell a teacher, Meg had turned around and slapped Ricky across his face.

**MEG: **Then the punches started flying and-

**ALWYN: **We jumped in to help, even though you could have taken them by yourself, 'cause that's what friends do.

**TONI: **And we got sent to the office right after they started crying.

**MEG: **The highlight of second grade.

**ALWYN: **The teachers didn't like us much after that.

**TONI: **And that episode was within the first month of school starting.

**MEG: **And I so wanted to be teacher's pet.

**TONI: **Press one for Sarcasm. Press 2 for Sarcasm. Press three-

**MEG: **Alright, we get the idea.

**ALWYN: **Ow! My foot!

**TONI: **What happened?

**ALWYN: **I tripped on that stupid rock!

**MEG: **Hey! What's that?

**TONI: **Oh no! I forgot about Alice!

**MEG: **I think we can take 'em.

**ALWYN: **I'm not sure I want to get into a fight with any vampires.

**TONI: **Okay, it's gonna be alright. Just start singing the National Anthem in your head over and over. That way Edward won't

hear our plan via our thoughts.

**MEG: **And don't speak. If they take us alive don't say anything. They'll never get information out of us. Right?

**TONI: **Alright, but don't look at me like that.

**ALWYN: **Are you sure this was such a good idea?

**MEG: **Think about the National Anthem!

**TONI: **Quiet ya'll. They can hear us.

_The vampires advance at a carefully human speed and the girls concentrate on singing the National Anthem to themselves over and_

_over and over._

**EDWARD: **Can we help you?

**JASPER: **We bought Girl Scout cookies last week.

**EDWARD: **Hello?

**JASPER: **What are they thinking about Edward?

**EDWARD: **They're repeating the National Anthem over and over.

**EMMETT: **Are they dead?

**JASPER: **No, they're nervous though.

**EDWARD: **Emmett, don't wave your hand in her face like that. Maybe they got lost.

**JASPER: **Maybe they're fangirls.

**EMMETT: **I've never seen fangirls that look like this. Though they do have matching t-shirts.

**EDWARD: **They look like scared bunnies. Jasper, please relax. They are not fangirls.

**MEG: **And I am not a bunny! I am the total opposite of a bunny! Got that?

**TONI: **Meg!

**JASPER: **They speak? I knew they were fangirls!

**EMMETT: **Ha ha! Jasper's afraid of a bunch of little girls!

**MEG: **We are NOT little girls! We are young adults! I could kick your-

**TONI: **Will you please cool it? They are gonna find out if you don't go back to singing the National Anthem.

**EDWARD: **Find what out?

**TONI: **Can you give us a moment please?

_The girls huddle up and whisper while the vampires stare at them incredulously._

**MEG: **They called me a BUNNY! And a GIRL SCOUT!

**TONI: **Lower your voice. They'll hear us.

**ALWYN: **Can't they hear us anyway?

**TONI: **Probably, but that's beside the point. Okay, let's not use each others names, that way they won't have anything on us.

**ALWYN: **Okay, what should we call each other?

**MEG: **I'll be #1. You're #2, and you be #3.

**TONI: **Isn't that kinda obvious?

**MEG: **That's beside the point.

**TONI: **Alright. I'll try to talk to them, because if we let Meg talk to them we'll end up in a fight and if Alwyn talks to them, she

might pass out.

**ALWYN: **So, what's our story then?

**MEG: **Wait! I think I've got it! Toni, what was it you just said?

**TONI: **I'll talk to them?

**MEG: **No, after that.

**TONI: **That you might get into a fight with them and Alwyn might…

**ALWYN: **Oh! I see!

**TONI: **Alright, then. It's the only way we're sure to get in.

**MEG: **This totally clashes with my usual personality, but we are talking about vampires.

**ALWYN: **What if they just leave us here for dead?

**TONI: **I seriously doubt they would leave us for dead. Ready?

**ALWYN: **Yeah.

**MEG: **Yep.

**TONI: **Okay! Let's go!

_The three girls walk back over to where the vampires are standing. _

**TONI: **Okay, we're done talking. Um, do you by chance have any water? It's so awfully hot out here.

**MEG: **I think I feel faint.

**ALWYN: **Why is the sky spinning?

**JASPER: **What do you thinks wrong with them?

**EMMETT: **Hey look! That one's swaying back and forth!

**TONI: **Oh my! I feel so dizzy!

**EMMETT: **Did she just collapse?

**JASPER: **I think so. The other one did too.

**MEG: **I see the light! Someone save me! Help me! Oh my!

**EDWARD: **Did they just pass out?

**JASPER: **Yes, I believe so.

**EMMETT: **Should we leave them for dead?

**EDWARD: **Esme would have a fit if we did.

**EMMETT: **What's your point?

**JASPER: **What if they're already dead?

**EDWARD: **Let's take 'em back to the house and see if they wake up.

**EMMETT: **If they don't wake up can we bury their bodies in Esme's garden? I've always wanted to do something like that!

**EDWARD & JASPER: ** No Emmett.

**EMMETT: **Please?

**EDWARD & JASPER: **No.

**EMMETT: **Is that a maybe?

**EDWARD & JASPER: **No.

**EMMETT: **You guys never let me have any fun.

_When the girls pretended to faint they hit their head on the ground, so now they really are unconscious. The vampires take them up  
__  
to the house and set them on the couch. Esme gets home and they don't wake up for a long, long time. __**To Be Continued…**_

**So, I felt like I needed to give some background information of the girl's friendship. Since these are me and my friend's  
****  
alter egos, some of this stuff actually did happen. Most of it though, is my imagination's creation! **** Hope you like it! And it  
****  
you want me to write another chapter ever again, then push the little button and submit a review. I really need to**

**know what ya'll think about my stories. Even if all you type is "**wow**" it would be better than nothing. Thanx for**

**reading! **

**Bye! **

**;)**


	4. She's With Us

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I don't own an Italian sports car. I don't have a "potato" shirt. And I, unfortunately, do not know any vampires.**

_When the girls pretended to faint they hit their head on the ground, so now they really are unconscious. The vampires take them up  
__  
to the house and set them on the couch. Esme gets home and they don't wake up for a long, long time. __**To Be Continued…**_

**EMMETT: **Look! I think they're waking up! Ah man! That means they're not dead.

**ESME: **Oh shush Emmett. Don't you scare those little girls.

**JASPER: **Emmett, Rosalie just called. She wants you to meet her at the mall; there is a sale at the mall they don't want to

miss.

**EMMETT: **But why do I have to go?

**JASPER: **Because she said so.

**EMMETT: **She is so controlling!

**ESME: **Stop whining! Now get to the mall before she has a tizzy fit

**EMMETT: **Yes Mom.

**JASPER: **Hey Edward, can I borrow that CD?

**EDWARD: **You mean the CD you stole from my room last weekend when I was away hunting?

**JASPER: **Yep.

**EDWARD: **No.

**JASPER: **Why?

**EDWARD: **Because you already have it. I can't loan it to you if you already have it.

**JASPER: **Oh. Does that mean I can keep it?

**EDWARD: **No. I can hear what you're thinking Jasper; if you tell me you lost it, I'll just make you buy me another.

**JASPER: **You're so mean! I can't believe Bella has stayed around you this long. I woulda dumped you long ago.

**EDWARD: **And I so wanted to hear your opinion of what a wonderful boyfriend I am Jasper.

**JASPER: **Don't roll your eyes at me. You are so insensitive. I don't see how she puts up with you.

**EDWARD: **What does it matter if I'm insensitive towards people who steal my CDs?

**JASPER: **"Steal" is a strong word and-

**EDWARD: **Shhhh! They're awake.

**JASPER: **How long have they been awake?

**EDWARD: **I'm not sure. Some one was distracting me.

**JASPER: **Don't glare at me like that.

_The girls sit up and look around then. They had heard the whole conversation and were trying to repress their giggles. Then Emmett_

bursts through the door, a pink fuzzy scarf around his neck and only one shoe on his huge feet. 

**EMMETT: **That was so scary! I'm not going back to the mall with them! And there is some punky little girl on our front porch.

**EDWARD: **What do you mean there's a punky little girl on our front porch?

**EMMETT: **A little girl with red hair and green eyes that twitch.

**TONI: **She's with us.

**MEG & ALWYN: **She is?

**EDWARD: **She is?

**JASPER: **She is?

**EMMETT: **Can we bury her under the tomatoes too?

**TONI: **Of course she's with us. She is our friend.

**MEG: **Yeah, she um, is our friend.

**ALWYN: **She lives across the street from us?

**JASPER: **You're lying.

**TONI: **No I'm not.

**JASPER: **Yes you are.

**TONI: **No I'm not!

**JASPER: **You're lying and you know it.

**MEG: **She's not lying!

**JASPER: **Yes she is!

**MEG: **RAAAAAAAAWR ! ! ! ! !

_Meg jumps on Jasper's back and starts pulling his hair. He screams out in frustration and Edward and Emmett bust out laughing. _

**TONI: **Meg! Stop it! Stop hurting him!

**MEG: **He called us liars and now he will pay!

**TONI: **Stop grinning like a maniac! Let go of Jasper's hair.

**JASPER: **Get off me you bratty little child.

**MEG: **Take it back!

**JASPER: **No!

**ESME: **Enough! Jasper! You act like you were raised by a pack of wolves! Honestly, getting into a fight with this little girl!

**JASPER: **It wasn't my fault!

**ESME: **Don't back talk me! Did you even offer them something to drink?

**JASPER: **Um, no…

**ESME: **Edward, Emmett, stop laughing at your brother. Now go get them something to drink; and Jasper if you don't wipe that

smirk off your face, so help me…

_The guys exit the room and the little red head comes to sit on the couch near Meg, who is fixing her hair from the fight with Jasper._

Toni is glaring at Meg and Alwyn is admiring the TV.

**ALWYN: **Your TV is very pretty.

**ESME: **Why thank you, my dear. That's very sweet.

**ALWYN: **I have a Wii at home.

**ESME: **You know, I think Rosalie might have a Wii in her room. Do you want me to see if I can find it?

**ALWYN: **That's very sweet of you ma'am.

**ESME: **I'll be right back.

**ALWYN: **I could help you look for it, if I'm not intruding.

**ESME: **Alright then, Rose's room is upstairs.

_Alwyn follows Esme upstairs to look for Rosalie's Wii._

**BECKA: **Hi! I'm Becka. That was really cool earlier when you helped me get in.

**TONI: **Hi Becka. I'm Toni, Alwyn just went upstairs, and this is Meg.

**MEG: **How do we know we can trust you?

**BECKA: **I would tell you guys, but they can hear us.

**MEG: **How do you know that?

**BECKA: **The same way you do. That's why you're whispering, isn't it. Though they'll probably hear us anyway.

**TONI: **Okay, so what does it matter if we're whispering.

**BECKA: **You're fangirls, that much is obvious. You've read the book and think you know everything. I've been trying to get in

here for months now, but the way you guys are staring at everything in awe tells me you've never been here. I can help you.

**MEG: **What if we don't believe you?

**TONI: **We believe you. So you'll help us then?

**BECKA: **Yes, but I want to be in your group and I want one of those cool shirts.

**TONI: **See, I told you they were cool.

**MEG: **Alright, you can have a shirt.

**BECKA: **Oh yeah!

_Alwyn and Esme come back down stairs carrying the Wii. They hook it up to the huge TV and form teams; vampires vs. humans _

_(not including Esme)._

**Yeah, I know it's short-ish. But it's another chapter. Um, do you think I get 3 reviews? **

**Just 3 and I'll post another chapter in record time.**

**Thanx so much to **_**meandedward,**__**Warrioroftheseventhstar,**_** and**_** Edwardlover280**_**for reviewing.**

**Your reviews mean a lot to me. **


	5. Battle of the Wii sorta

**Okay, so here's the next chapter. I'm so happy! I got 4 reviews! Yay!**

**um…..anyway, thanx to **_**Bellaxvampire**__**, **__**xxxtopazxxx**__**, **__**Edwardlover280**_**, and **_**Warrioroftheseventhstar**__**.**_

**  
So, I'm asking for 4 reviews! That's it. Just four! (please?)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, its characters, or an expensive car. –sigh-**

_Alwyn and Esme come back down stairs carrying the Wii. They hook it up to the huge TV and form teams; vampires vs. humans._

_(not including Esme)_

**  
EMMETT: **This'll be easy.

**TONI: **I doubt it. Alwyn is trained in the ways of the Wii.

**JASPER: **Ha!

**TONI: **You laugh now, but just wait until I unleash her powers on you!

**ALWYN: **I do not fear you, blond one!

**JASPER: **Is this a joke?

**ALWYN: **Rawr!

**EMMETT: **You sound like a baby cat.

**MEG: **She does not.

**EMMETT: **Yes she does.

**MEG: **No she doesn't!

**EMMETT: **Yes she does!

**MEG: **RAWR!

_Meg barrels into Emmett's leg and bites down hard on his foot. _

**BECKA: **Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

**TONI: **Meg, let go of Emmett.

**MEG: **He said Alwyn sounds like a baby cat, and now he will pay!

**ALWYN: **Meg, let go of the tall person.

**ESME: **Emmett! What on Earth are you doing?

**EMMETT: **I've been attacked by this rabid fan-girl.

**MEG: **You think I'm a rabid fan-girl? _-breaks into heart-wrenching sobs-_

**TONI: **OMG! You made Meg cry! Nobody makes my friends cry! RAWR!

_Both Alwyn and Toni jump on Emmett and start to pull his hair. Jasper and Edward burst out laughing until Esme whacks them_

_both upside the head._

_Meg stops crying and the girls get off of Emmett. _

**ESME: **Emmett, don't you dare provoke these sweet little girls again. Now, are we going to start this tournament or not?

_The tournament begins. They battle for seven long hours before ending in a tie. _

**JASPER: **I want a rematch!

**ESME: **Now, I think its time the girls got home. Rose will be back soon and I'm sure our guests are very tired.

**TONI: **She's right, we should be going. Thank you for the lovely refreshments, ma'am.

**MEG: **I vote we have a rematch. A tie isn't a win. We ought to prove to them-

**JASPER: **Ha! The only thing you've proved so far is that you like to lose to us.

**ESME: **Jasper!

**JASPER: **Sorry Mom.

**ALWYN: **Before we go, we'd like to invite you to a convention we are attending tomorrow. You'll come won't you?

**ESME: **Why thank you my dear, but I have an appointment with Home Depot tomorrow. I'm sure the boys would like to go

though.

**JASPER: **Mom!

**EMMETT: **Mom!

**EDWARD: **Mom!

**ESME: **Is there something wrong boys?

**JASPER: **No, it just…

**EMMETT: **As fun as that sounds….

**EDWARD: **We don't have a choice do we?

**ESME: **_ -shakes head to indicate 'no'-_

**TONI: **Goody bye then!

**BECKA: **See you tomorrow buddies!

_All four girls set up a tent in the Cullen's' back yard where they wait, plotting their strategies for tomorrow…_

**Hey! I know its short. Don't worry, I'm working on another chapter. This is just filler and I'll have the new chapter up in**

**no time.**

**;)**

**(please review! Thanx)**


	6. Your bacon just got BURNT!

**So here is the new chapter I promised. I hope to get at least 4 reviews.**

**Remember, a fanfic a day keeps the boredom away.**

…**yeah, um, I just thought of that now, so, um**

**ON WITH THE STORY!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the related characters or the Kit-Kat song. **

**However, if I did, Bella would not be Edward's girlfriend. I would be!**

**;)**

_All four girls set up a tent in the Cullen's' back yard where they wait, plotting their strategies for tomorrow…_

_Rosalie returns home shortly after the girls pitch camp. Esme explains that the Cullen Guys are going to a convention with them_

_tomorrow. Rosalie demands to go with them because she is afraid they'll kidnap Emmett._

_(8:00 AM) – Everyone is loaded into the Volvo._

**EWARD: **Now there are rules if you plan to ride in my car.

**ROSALIE: **Oh please, just put the car in drive.

**EDWARD: **Now, I've printed up some pamphlets with the conditions posted clearly in English. I will read you the list aloud,

while you follow along silently.

**ROSALIE: **Gimme a break.

**EMMETT: **Gimme a break, Gimme a break, Break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat Bar! It's a chocolaty taste that'll make your

day! You can hear the people say: Gimme a break, Gimme a break! Break me off a piece of that Kit! Kat! Baaaaaaar! Thank

you! Thank you very much! I'll be here all week!

**EDWARD: **Oh joy! Now back to the conditions and preset rules.

**Conditions and Preset Rules for Riding in the Volvo**

**Number 1: NO food or drink in the Volvo. NO exceptions.**

**Number 2: Don't touch ANYTHING.**

**Number 3: Do NOT press your face against the window.**

**Number 4: Do NOT lick the windows.**

**Number 5: Do NOT hang your head out the window.**

**Number 6: NO pets and/or animals inside the Volvo.**

**ex: cats, fish, dogs, werewolves named Jake.**

**Number 7: Stickers, glue, and/or other adhesive materials are not allowed in the Volvo under ANY circumstances.**

**Number 8: NO evil penguins. No matter what.**

**Number 9: NO ONE is to think of ANYTHING graphic while riding in the Volvo.**

**NO EXCUSES.**

**Number 10: NO ONE drives the Volvo except Edward.**

**NO exceptions whatsoever.**

**ALWYN: **Is there any particular reason why you printed out these little paper things?

**ROSALIE: **He likes to waste the finite resources of the Earth.

**EMMETT: **I second the motion!

**EDWARD: **_-growls-_

**BECKA: **I think he has anxiety issues too.

**JASPER: **Tell me about it. He won't even let me borrow his CD's! And he's got like a billion.

**MEG: **Hey Edward! Can I drive your Volvo? _–snickers evilly-_

**EDWARD: **You people have problems.

**TONI: **Ch'yeah right.

**ROSALIE: **You know as fun as it is just sitting here in your parked car, Edward, I think it would be even more fun if you put the car in drive.

**EMMETT: **I second the motion!

**TONI: **Who ya texting Meg?

**MEG: **I'm texting Jenna. She's helping get the final touches finished at the Convention Center right now.

**ALWYN: **That's good. I kinda felt bad leaving her to work out all the kinks. I mean, I guess we helped by coaching her over

the phone, but still.

**TONI: **I'm sure she managed just fine. Besides we did our part. _–glances at Edward meaningfully- _And without any violence.

**ROSALIE: **I feel like your hiding something from us. What exactly was your part?

**MEG: **We….um, had to go to the store to get french-fries!

**TONI: **…..yeah! And cookies!

**ALWYN: **'Cause we're on the dark side! _–cackles softly-_

**TONI: **She had sugar this morning.

**ROSALIE: **That totally explains why all four of you act completely sane.

**EMMETT: **I second the motion!

**BECKA: **Let's not be sarcastic now, Rosy. It's bad for your stress level.

**JASPER: **Yeah _Rosy_.

**ROSALIE: **Get this through your thick skulls: If you EVER call me 'Rosy' again I'll dismember you on the spot.

**BECKA: **Sheesh! Looks like Edward's not the only one with anxiety issues.

**ALWYN: **_-giggles quietly-- _

**TONI: **Relax you guys. We're almost there; the building is just around this corner.

_They pull up to the building and get out of the car. Toni leads the way through the huge double doors at the entrance and they_

_instantly meet up with Jenna who is wearing a purple "Official Member of the__** Edward Cullen Fan Club**__" t-shirt. _

**JENNA: **Hey ya'll!

**TONI: **Hey Jenna!

**MEG: **What up, Jenna?

**ALWYN: **Hi Jen!

**BECKA: **Hi blond person!

**JENNA: **Who's she?

**JASPER: **She's the freaky little fan girl that showed up on my front porch yesterday!

**BECKA: **Hi, I'm Becka. I'm with them.

**JENNA: **Okaaaay.

**TONI: **So is everything set? We felt kinda bad leaving you the other day with all the kinks to work out.

**JENNA: **That's okay. So, where's Edward?

**TONI: **He's over there, about to be pounced on by a pack of rabid fan-… Jenna, why did you invite the rabid fan girls?

**JENNA: **They have a right to be here.

**TONI: **I guess so. Come on, let's go help him. See ya later Jenna.

**ALWYN: **Bye Jenna.

**MEG: **We'll be right back.

**BECKA: **Wait up! I'll help to. I used to know some of those girls.

_Rosalie and Jasper laugh as Edward threatens the rabid fan girls with a restraining order. Jenna turns to where Emmett is_

_standing. _

**JENNA: **So, you must be Emmett.

**EMMETT: **Yep!

**JENNA: **Hi, I'm Jenna. I like practically organized this whole convention. Well, they helped a little, but I did the majority of the

work.

**EMMETT: **Cool.

**JENNA: **So, do you work out?

**EMMETT: **Nope!

**JENNA: **Oh, well do you take steroids then?

**EMMETT: **Nope!

**JENNA: **So, do you come here often then?

**EMMETT: **Nope!

**JENNA: **Oh, well do you want my phone number? Maybe you we could-

**ROSALIE: **Back off! _–growls-_

**JENNA: **And who are you?

**ROSALIE: **I'm his WIFE! And if you don't stop flirting with my HUSBAND I will eat you!

**JENNA: **Go sniff some garlic Blondie!

**ROSALIE: **WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?!

_Jenna walks off, leaving Rosalie with Emmett. Jasper is still watching the rabid fangirls fight over Edward. By now they've all but_

_ripped his shirt off. One of them retrieves a pair of scissors and she tries to cut locks of his hair to sell on EBay. _

**EDWARD: **What? NO you can't have my shirt!

**FAN GIRL #1: **Why not?

**EDWARD: **BECAUSE I SAID SO!

**FAN GIRL #2: **Let's take it by force!

**FOLLOWERS:** Yeah!

**EDWARD: **AHHH! NO! LET GO OF ME! I'LL GET A RESTRAINING ORDER PUT ON YOU! NO! STOP! DON'T RIP MY SHIRT! NO!

**TONI: **I have a feeling he's going to need more than a restraining order to keep them away.

**BECKA: **Hey look! That one has a stapler gun!

**FAN GIRL #3: **Give us the shirt or else!

**EDWARD: **Or else what?!

**FAN GIRL #1: **We'll cut it off with these scissors and then staple you to the wall so we can all take pictures of you with out

a shirt on.

**EDWARD: **FINE! TAKE THE FLIPPIN' SHIRT!

**FAN GIRL #3: **Alright girls, get your camera phones ready.

**FAN GIRL #2: **Okay sir, I'm gonna ask you to remove your shirt very slowly and then hand it to me; it would also be great if

you could pose…

**FAN GIRL #1: **Wait a minute! How come you get his shirt?

**FAN GIRL #3: **Yeah! I want his shirt!

**FAN GIRL #2: **I get his shirt 'cause I said so! The fact that you're gonna get a picture of him ought to be enough for you.

**FAN GIRL #1: **Well look who's gotten ambitious!

_The rabid fan girl mob turns on itself. It was a vicious fight: rabid fan girl against rabid fan girl. It will go down in the history of Fan_

_Girl Brawls._

**ALWYN: **Psst! Edward! I recommend you make your escape now.

**EDWARD: **Thanks for all the help you guys! _–insert sarcasm-_

**MEG: **It was nothin'. You see, we have experience in dealing with rabid fan girl such as these you see here.

**TONI: **OMG! I think it's almost time for the stories.

**EDWARD: **What stories?

**ALWYN: **Really? Yay!

**EDWARD: **What's going on?

**MEG: **I think the Story Swap is my favorite part of this convention!

**EDWARD: **Why is no one answering me?

**BECKA: **We better hurry or they'll start with out us!

**EDWARD: **Is it possible that I'm suddenly invisible?

**TONI: **Better hurry Edward, or the fan girls are gonna realized you escaped.

_The girls and Edward join Jenna, Rose, Jasper, and Emmett by the stage that is supporting the huge podium. Toni and Jenna walk_

_up on stage and start to talk into the microphone._

_(9:00 AM)_

**TONI: **Welcome Fan Girls from across the nation to our annual Fan Girls Convention. I am very pleased to inform you that

this year's dedication goes to the Cullen Boys, who are all present and will be taking pictures shortly after three o'clock.

**JENNA: **Our committee is also proud to report that they were retrieved without violence, chains, or stapler guns this year,

which is a big step from the Lestat episode. Or the Jean-Claude venture.

**AUDIENCE: **Wooohoooo! _–claps and cheers in congratulation-_

**JENNA: **And now, please welcome the speakers for this year's Story Swap!

_Toni and Jenna take their seats, while the Cullen Boys fume about being tricked into coming to the Fan Girl Convention. The first_

_speaker steps up to the podium._

**MILLIE:**

Hi, my name is Millie, and I'm from Boise, Idaho. There usually isn't a whole lot of vampiric activity in Boise, but there are a lot

of potatoes.  
Several months ago I was taken to a therapist for sever brain damage. You see, I posses a number of vampiric t-shirts and

field guides that refer to vampires.

My mother was worried that I was obsessed. When she confronted me, I relayed to her the plot of Anne Rice's novels, in

which Lestat's story is told.

I couldn't tell her about the Fan Girl convention, for I had signed an oath of secrecy.

She took me to therapist the very next morning. And, I just can't tell you _–sob-_ how hard it is to be told you are suffering

from brain damage, just because

-_sob-_ You believe in something that is typically shied away from. Is it my fault that I know vampires exist?  
_  
–sob- _Is it wrong to feel the truth of something, even when others don't?  
_  
-insert emotional outburst of tears and heart-wrenching sobs.-_

_  
Toni helps Millie off the stage and then steps up to the podium._

**TONI: **Thank you Millie, for sharing your story with us. I speak for the entire convention when I say "I think you are

courageous for sticking to the truth and for remembering the oath of silence when confronted and prosecuted".

_Toni takes her seat and the next speaker moves to the podium._

**LAUREN: **

Hi! I'm Lauren Woods, and I currently reside in LA. There usually tends to be more sightings in larger cities and I'd like to tell

you about an encounter I witnessed around December. I was visiting my Grandmother who lives just five blocks south of my

family's apartment. I walked over there, as taking the bus would have been pointless. A few hours later as I was getting

ready to leave, I noticed a strange little girl skipping on the side walk just outside the apartment complex Grandma lives in. I

wouldn't have paid any attention, except that it was the pretties, palest little girl I'd ever seen. It made me think of Claudia

in the Vampire Chronicles. She had long, straight black hair that hung to her knees. Her lips were a strange red, that you

would usually only see on adult women and her eyes were the loveliest green.

I went home without a backward glance, only to remember once I got home that I forgot to let my grandmother's Shih Tzu,

Bailey in.

I called her house to remind her, but when she didn't pick up the phone. The next day I went back to check on her and make

sure she was okay.

When she opened the door her eyes were all puffy from crying. "Some one has kilt my dog dead!" she had screamed before

collapsing in grief.

Turns out the dog had been completely drained of blood. She had found Bailey that morning, when she went out on the

rooftop garden she found his body.

And I will bet you almost anything it was the mysterious girl that drained my grandmother's dog. I'll bet you almost anything

that she's a vampire.

**AUDIENCE: **_-claps-_

_Lauren waves to the audience and walks off the stage. Another speaker takes her place._

**LILLY: **

Hello, my name is Lilly. I recently took a trip to Germany with my parents and I encountered some "strange" happenings

while there. You've all heard of Psy Vampires…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**  
½ hour later…**

**LILLY:**

And that's why I always sound proof my bathtubs. Thank you for having me!

**AUDIENCE: **_-claps-_

_  
The next speaker takes her place behind the podium._

**PRISCILLA:**

I'm Priscilla and I've spoken with Romauld and he has given me a first hand account of what his relationship with Clarimond

was like. We spoke of the priest

who had warned him of her powers and who had finally put and end to Clarimond. I questioned his sanity, but couldn't help

wondering why it was that he had

cared so much for someone who was depleting his life source…

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**2 hours and 6 speakers later…**

_(11:30 AM)_

**TONI: **Well, that concludes our Story Swap.

**JENNA: **We'd like to thank everyone who participated for relaying your stories to us.

**TONI: **It is now eleven thirty. Refreshments are in the room to your right, t-shirts, caps, CD's, and bracelets are on sale to

the room on your left.

**JENNA: **The slide show dedicated to **Unfairly Prosecuted Vampiric Majesties **will begin in an hour. Thank you!

_Jenna and Toni walk off the stage to join their group over by the refreshments table._

**ROSALIE: **I can't believe you tricked us into coming to your convention thing!

**JASPER: **I knew it! I knew you were fan girls from the moment I saw you!

**MEG: **Yeah, but we aren't rabid.

**JASPER: **That is sooooo comforting! _–insert sarcasm-_

**MEG: **Good. I'm glad we could be of help to you.

**EMMETT: **I second the motion!

**ROSALIE: **You're not supposed to agree with them!

**EMMETT: **So, I don't second the motion?

**ROSALIE: **That would be correct!

**BECKA: **Like I said earlier, anxiety issues. Tsk tsk tsk.

**TONI: **Either way, you can't leave now.

**JASPER: **We CAN and we WILL!

**ALWYN: **Fine, but it's your funeral.

**JASPER: **What's that supposed to mean?

**EDWARD: **It means they'll set the rabid fan girls on us if we try to escape.

**MEG:** You talk as if we just sit around biding out time, like snakes waiting for a weak link to strike at.

**JASPER: **I believe that is EXACTLY what he meant.

**EMMETT: **I second the motion!

**ALWYN: **Its better this way really. I mean, we didn't have to use any chains or stapler guns in our mission to bring you

here. Just a few more hours.

**JENNA: **Yeah, you guys are tough.

**JASPER: **I just want you guys to know that you scare me. Every last one of you.

**JENNA: **What if I let you hold my purple EnV?

**JASPER: **Your cell phone……is PURPLE?! Oh! Pick me! Pick me! I wanna hold the pretty purple phone!

**JENNA: **Okay, here you go.

**JASPER: **He he he! _–insert girly giggles-_

**ROSALIE: **At least we know what to get him for Christmas.

**JASPER: **My precious. No harm will come to you my precious….

**JENNA: **Overly creepy.

**EMMETT: **I second the motion!

**ROSALIE: **Emmett! Would you stop saying that already?!

**MEG: **I second the motion!

**ALWYN: **I second the motion!

**TONI: **I second the motion!

**JENNA: **Me too!

**JASPER: **My precious……

**ROSALIE: **You guys think you're so funny. _–insert sarcasm-_

**BECKA: **Now what did I tell you about being sarcastic, Rosy?

**ROSALIE: **Say goodbye to your friends Becka, 'cause there's a very good chance you'll never see them again.

_Rosalie takes off after Becka. We don't see either of them again for a while._

**JENNA: **So Emmett, did you still want my phone number?

**EMMETT: **Uh, I guess so.

**JENNA: **Perfect.

_A loud growl sounds from the other side of the convention center._

**TONI: **I'm hungry, let's get something to eat.

**EDWARD: **I'll pass.

**EMMETT: **None for me.

**JASPER: **My precious…

**ALWYN: **Jasper's disturbed.

**MEG: **We already knew that.

**BECKA: **I could go for a sandwich.

_The girls munch on finger food while Jasper talks to Jenna's phone. Emmett and Edward hide under a table so the fan girls won't_

_see them and Rose continues her pursuit to kill Becka. _

**JENNA: **These donuts are pretty good.

**MEG: **So are the cookies.

**ALWYN: **Ha ha! Cookies equal dark side!

**TONI: **I knew we shouldn't have let her have sugar.

**EMMETT: **I second the motion!

**EDWARD:** Is it safe to come out from under the table.

**MEG: **Yep.

_Emmett and Edward come out from under the table, only to be greeted by the mob of fan girls, who now posses sharpies._

**EDWARD: **I thought you said it was safe!

**MEG: **I did.

**EDWARD: **Does it look safe right now?

**MEG: **Not for you, but I'm perfectly safe. Oh, were you referring to the mob of fan girls that was waiting for you?

**EDWARD: **What do you think?

**MEG: **I think you have anxiety issues.

**EMMETT: **Would somebody mind telling me what 'anxiety' means exactly?

**JENNA: **Well, if you give me your number I'll tell you.

**EMMETT: **Ok. My cell number is 852-523-722

**JENNA: **Perfect! Anxiety means you need anger management.

**EMMETT: **Oh. Edward, I think you need anger management.

**EDWARD: **Emmett, I promise you that if I survive this, I will take an anger management course.

**TONI: **Hey look! They have french-fries! Yay!

**ALWYN: **Yay!

**MEG: **Yay for the blind potatoes!

_The girls run off to get french-fries, leaving Emmett and Edward to face the mob and Jenna to laugh at Jasper._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**1 hour later…**

_(12:30 PM) – Every one is assembled to watch the slide show. Toni stands at the back of the crowd, behind a laptop that is wired_

_to the overhead projector. Rosalie is still trying to kill Becka._

**TONI: **Alright then! Now its time for the slide show of **Unfairly Prosecuted Vampiric Majesties**.

As you can see this first photo is of **Those Who Must Be Kept**. It was Akasha and Enkil that were the supposed beginning of

vampirism. And here is a picture of Mario, who was their keeper when Akasha awoke and murdered Enkil. It is said that she

killed Enkil not only because she loved Lestat and no longer needed him, but because of his jealousy over Lestat feeding off

of her. Akasha was incapacitated after being thrown into a glass wall by Mekare, whom held a petty grudge. After Akasha

was incapacitated, Mekare ate her heart and brain; becoming the new "Queen of the Damned". It was a terrible loss when

Akasha died. She had a vision for a better world, and with a little compromise she could have brought world peace and

general public welfare to many.

Next you see a sketch of Countess Elizabeth Bathory. She was put on trial for the charges of unnecessary torture and

killings of young peasant girls. It is also said that she would bath in the blood of virgins to retain youth and beauty. We

believe that she was in fact a vampire, though a weak one. She mostly likely did not bath in blood of virgins, but would have

the bodies drained into a large pool from which she drank. Her charges of torture most likely came form paranoia and lies

spread by those with grudges. She was placed under house arrest until her death four years later. We think she may have

starved because blood was inaccessible and she never very strong to begin with.

Ah! Now you can see a painting of Kurt Barlow. His story was told in one of Stephen King's many novels. It is said that…

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**45 minutes and several slides later…**

This next picture is of Lord Ruthven. Historians claim that he married and seduced his supposed "friend" Aubrey's sister after

accompanying Aubrey on his cross-country travels. It is told that he murdered the girl on their wedding night and then

escaped. We know though from a first hand account that Aubrey's sister was actually a slayer and that she had attempted

to kill him. He acted in self defense, nothing more. His present whereabouts are unknown; however there was a supposed

citing in Romania two months ago near an old monastery.

Moving on, you'll now see a portrait of Count Orlok, whose obvious love of attention led to many of the superstitious

believes of our time. Widespread disease and a number of plagues were blamed on Count Orlok who lived in a "sinister"

castle in the city of Wisborg, Germany. It is said that he slept in a coffin filled with Black Soil. Unnecessary hysteria was

brought on by the ruthless Thomas Hutter, a nosy real estate agent. The rumors that the would-be-slayer concocted about

our innocent vampire noble caused authorities to quarantine the city after his coffin was mistakenly boarded onto a ship.

Unfortunately, Thomas Hutter allegedly killed him by exposing him to extreme sunlight shortly after.

Well, that concludes our slide show of Unfairly Prosecuted Vampiric Majesties. I'd like to thank every one who provided

information and those who provided accurate pictures. Pictures with the Cullen Guys will begin in approximately an hour and

a half. Shirts, bracelets, caps, and CD's are on sale in the room to your right, refreshments are to your left. We will also be

accepting nominations for next year's Honored Guest at this time. Just write your nomination on a slip of paper and place it

in the ballot box next to the podium if you have any suggestions. Thank you!

_The projector is cut off; the lights are turned back on. Edward and Emmett are fuming as Toni walks up to them and her friends._

_Jasper is still talking to Jenna's phone._

**EDWARD:** You know the only reason we escaped those fangirls is because you started the slideshow?

**TONI: **But you escaped none the less, right?

**EDWARD: **That's beside the point! I could have been killed!

**ALWYN: **Well I hope you cooperate then because in about half an hour there is a definite possibility you could be mortally

wounded if you don't.

**EDWARD: **WHAT THE HECK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!

**JASPER: **He, he…pretty phone…he, he, he…

**JENNA: **Well, if you cooperate then you will be less likely to become the rabid fan girl's next victim.

**EDWARD: **What is wrong with you people?! You act like serial killers!

**JENNA: **Who told you about the Cheerios?

**EMMETT: **Let's all be Fruit Loops in a world of Cheerios!

**JASPER: **My precious, precious phone…..no harm will come to you…..he, he, he…

**JENNA: **I am seriously gonna take my phone back if you don't stop freaking me out!

**JASPER: **NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT THE PRETTY PURPLE PHONE! ANYTHING BUT THE PRETTY PURPLE PHONE!

**ALWYN: **Okaaaaaay then. I guess we'll leave it at that.

**TONI: **I wonder what's taking Meg so long.

**EDWARD: **That reminds me. What's Meg doing to ruin my life now?

**JENNA: **Is that supposed to be sarcasm?

**EDWARD: **AAAAAAAAAA! OMG! I AM SO OVER-

**JENNA: **Did you seriously just say "OMG"?

**EDWARD: **What is your_ DEAL_?

_Meg walks around the corner with a black shirt on. On the back in huge white letters it reads: SECURITY_

**MEG: **Hey ya'll.

**TONI: **Hey Meg.

**ALWYN: **Hey Meg.

**JENNA: **Hey Meg. Nice shirt.

**MEG: **Thanks.

**EDWARD: **Why do you have a SECURITY shirt on?

**MEG: **So I can protect you, duh.

**EDWARD: **And how exactly do you plan to, quote "protect" me?

**MEG: **In about an hour and a half an hour hundreds of girls are going to want a picture with you; that includes the rabid

fangirls. If you want to walk away from this convention in mostly one piece, I suggest you try to understand the necessity of

cooperation.

**EMMETT: **What's that smell? Oh yeah! It's your bacon! And it just got BURNT! By a little girl!

**EDWARD: **Shut up Emmett.

**MEG: **Who you calling a little girl?

**EMMETT: **I ain't calling nobody a little girl. And don't tell me to shut up Edward, not when I'm just stating the truth.

**EDWARD: **I'm gonna tell you exactly what to do with your _truth_ in just a second.

**EMMETT: **Oh yeah? And what would that be?

**EDWARD: **Why don't you take your _truth_ and-

**TONI: **Enough! You can both take your truth and your bacon and-

**ALWYN: **I hate to interrupt, but there is a large mob of girls who appear to be foaming at the mouth that want pictures of

Edward.

**JENNA: **I guess that's ya'll's cue to run.

**ALWYN: **I think it's a little late for that.

**TONI: **Where did Jasper go? He was just right here! I'll go find him. Meg you watch Edward and Emmett, make sure they

aren't incapacitated. Jenna, you help Meg; Alwyn, you come with me.

_Toni and Alwyn disappear into the crowd. Emmett starts walking away, Edward, Jenna, and Meg follow._

**EMMETT: **I wanna buy a cool hat as a souvenir.

**MEG: **We don't have time right now.

**EDWARD: **What do you mean we don't have time?

**MEG: **I mean that rabid fangirls are going to rip you limb from limb in a matter of seconds.

**JENNA: **Oh look! I wanted one of those bracelets! I'll see you guys later.

_Jenna heads off on her own to buy a bracelet. The fangirls catch up with them then and slowly back Meg and the two Cullen Guys_

_against a wall on the far side of the convention center._

**MEG: **Alright girls, we can do this the hard way, or the easy way. Back up, or else.

**FAN GIRL #1: **Or else what? Whatcha gonna do Blondie? Go all Super-Ninja-Chick on us?

**MEG: **Why yes. That is exactly what I plan to do.

**EMMETT: **What's that smell? Oh yeah! It's your bacon and it just got BURNT!

**MEG: **Emmett, I promise that if you say that one more time I will literally kill you. Got it?

**EMMETT: **Ha, ha, ha! You're bluffing!

**MEG: **You really wanna test that theory?

**EMMETT: **Is that an option?

**MEG: **I. AM. SERIOUSLY. ABOUT. TO. DISMEMBER.YOU. EMMETT.

**FAN GIRL #1: **Um, hello? I hate to burst your bubble, but we were in the middle of something!

**FAN GIRL #2: **Yeah, we were like, about to incapacitate the Cullen Guys.

**FAN GIRL #3: **And you totally just improvised our script.

**EMMETT: **Are you aware that you're foaming at the mouth?

**FAN GIRL #1: **That's beside the point. Now back to the most issue at hand. Give us Edward.

**MEG: **Oh that's right. I was about to go all Super-Ninja-Chick on you before Emmett so rudely pointed out that you got your

bacon burnt.

**EMMETT: **Ha! What'd I tell you?

**MEG: **Emmett, shut up, please.

**FAN GIRL #2: **Go ahead and bluff but you can't scare us. We want to see Edward shirtless too much.

**FAN GIRL #3: **Ooooo! Who got their bacon burnt now? Huh? Huh?

**EMMETT: **Girl! Pu-uh-leez!

**FAN GIRL #3: **Don't you "Girl Pu-uh-leez" me!

**EDWARD: **Enough! And Fan Girl #1, if you don't stop thinking such graphic stuff about me right now, so help me…

**MEG: **All right, that's it! I'm about to go all Super-Ninja-chick on you so pay attention! Yeah I'm talking to you! Hey! Don't

touch Edward!

_And with that Meg did a twirly-kick-thing and landed on the rabid fan-girl's head. She then somersaulted into the tall one, and_

_finished by back flipping and ripping a chunk of the third girl's hair off her head. She then did another twirly-kick-thing and landed_

_back where she had been._

**FAN GIRL #3: **OH MY GOSH! I'VE BEEN SCALPED!

**FAN GIRL #1: **RETREAT! EMERGENCY 567! I REPEAT EMERGENCY 567! SUPER-NINJA-CHICK ONT THE LOOSE! RETREAT!

_The mob of fan-girls takes off running. It seems that they have an emergency drill for just about everything. Them Jenna shows_

_up with her new bracelet and they spot Alwyn and Toni hauling Jasper away from the ALICE FAN CLUB t-shirt sale. _

**TONI: **We found him trying to buy an Alice Fan Club shirt.

**JENNA: **What's so bad about that?

**ALWYN: **He was trying to use Monopoly money.

**JENNA: **Ah. That explains it.

**TONI: **Yeah.

**EMMETT: **AH HA HA! You idiot! Even I'm not that stupid!

**EDWARD: **Hey Emmett, I have a number for you to call.

**EMMETT: **Really! What is it!

**EDWARD: **1-800-SHUT-THE-HECK-UP!

**JENNA: **That was funny! Kinda lame, but still funny.

**EMMETT: **Ha! You hear that? Your stupid joke was lame! Guess what? It was so lame I didn't get it!

**MEG: **Wow. You really are slow aren't you Emmett?

**EMMETT: **Somebody just got their bacon burnt!

**ALWYN: **Yeah, it was you.

**TONI: **Enough with the bacon! Emmett! Why don't you take your ba-

**MEG: **Hey Toni?

**TONI: **Not now. Emmett you can take your bacon and Edward you can take your lame jokes and s-

**ALWYN: **Hey Toni?

**TONI: **I SAID JUST A MINUTE! EMMETT, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE YOUR BACON AND STUFF IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!

**EDWARD: **-couch- toasted –cough-

**TONI: **And Edward you can take your lame jokes and come backs and shove 'em down your throat too!

**JENNA: **Hey Toni?

**TONI: **WHAT DO YOU WANT? I AM IN THE MIDDLE OF SCREAMING AT TWO IDOITS!

**MEG: **Suit yourself. We just thought you'd like to know that the fan girls are back.

**ALWYN: **And they have tazors.

**JENNA: **And they're about to electrocute Jasper.

_Toni whirls around just in time to see…_

_**(EnV is a really kool cell phone that flips up to reveal a keyboard in case you were wondering.) **_

**Oh! What will happen to poor Jazz and his "precious" EnV? **

**I know it's cliffy, sorry. But it's been a while and I've been working on this story really hard.**

**It took forever to look up all that kool info on vampires on Wikipedia.**

**Hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to update soon.**

**I'm working on several other stories so check 'em out! **

**And remember, just 4 reviews. Pretty please? For me?**

**Alright…**

**Bye!**


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